From: Jack Merry, Booking Manager, Kinrowan Estate
To: Simon Sterling, Agent for Banish Misfortune
In talking to you last week about wanting to book one of the bands you represent, Banish Misfortune, I told you our terms for booking them and you agreed that they were indeed good terms. So imagine my surprise when I received not one, but four separate contracts totaling thirty pages in length!
No, we do not pay the band fifty percent in advance in order the ensure they get here. Our fee for performing is generous and I’m not daft. And where did you get the idea that we’d pay for transport here? Have you ever had a venue do so? I think not!
No, we do not accommodate vegan and vegetarian dietary needs. (Not that I believe a touring Scottish band has any such members.) We’re a working Estate that includes everything from bacon and sausages at breakfast to a really tasty roast chicken at supper.
We do not pay extra so that bands can afford to have their own sound technician come with them. If they need a sound technician, we’ll handle it, as there’s three of us who do sound.
We do record every show played here and I told you that when we talked. (And see my email to you for this as well.) So no, we will not ask the band’s permission to do so.
Publicity for this concert on local radio stations and in the area papers? Did you listen at all when I stated that the Kinrowan Estate is a remote Scottish land holding nearly twenty miles from the nearest village? And that the audience consists of Kinrowan Estate community members? I suppose I could tack a note to the Estate community bulletin board…
Accommodations in a hotel, not crash space where we have room? You do know that the nearest hotels, save the small ones in the village, are three to four hours away? They’ll stay in the guest yurts here.
Sorry we won’t be booking you despite your music sounding great. Better luck elsewhere!