From: Jack Merry, Booking Manager, Kinrowan Estate
To: Simon Sterling, Agent for Banish Misfortune
In talking to you last week about wanting to book one of the bands you represent, Banish Misfortune, I told you our terms for booking them and you agreed that they were indeed good terms. So imagine my surprise when I received not one, but four separate contracts totaling thirty pages in length!
No, we do not pay the band fifty percent in advance in order the ensure they get here. Our fee for performing is generous and I’m not daft. And where did you get the idea that we’d pay for transport here? Have you ever had a venue do so? I think not!
No, we do not accommodate vegan and vegetarian dietary needs. (Not that I believe a touring Scottish band has any such members.) We’re a working Estate that includes everything from bacon and sausages at breakfast to a really tasty roast chicken at supper.
We do not pay extra so that bands can afford to have their own sound technician come with them. If they need a sound technician, we’ll handle it, as there’s three of us who do sound.
We do record every show played here and I told you that when we talked. (And see my email to you for this as well.) So no, we will not ask the band’s permission to do so.
Publicity for this concert on local radio stations and in the area papers? Did you listen at all when I stated that the Kinrowan Estate is a remote Scottish land holding nearly twenty miles from the nearest village? And that the audience consists of Kinrowan Estate community members? I suppose I could tack a note to the Estate community bulletin board…
Accommodations in a hotel, not crash space where we have room? You do know that the nearest hotels, save the small ones in the village, are three to four hours away? They’ll stay in the guest yurts here.
Look I know that you’re young — I asked around to get your history — and are eager to build a stable of Irish and Scottish bands that you’ll be agent for, but you need to learn to be flexible or you won’t survive long.
Attached to this email is a one-page contract. Sign it and return two copies to me. The contract will be binding when I sign it.
Yours Jack Merry
PS: If you decide not to sign our contract, I’ll book Banish Misfortune directly as I’ve played with all three musos. (Yes, that’s a threat.) And Reynard, our Pub Manager who’s a concertina player, has played with Scott’s mother on a tour of Scandinavia and Josh’s father on a tour of France several times. So booking them directly means you get embarrassed and the thirty percent you’d get stays with them.
And I’ve got a small stable of groups I provide management services to, so I’d be glad to add them if they so desired. (Yes, that’s another threat.) My management cut’s flexible too.